Thursday, June 22, 2006

NOTE: I've been posting so much J.T. and Duran stuff lately that I wasn't going to do this, but fuck it. My blog, my rules.

This past Tuesday, June 20, was truly a sacred day: the 46th birthday of Nigel John Taylor.

It is written in the Book of Duran (John 3:16)
"For Simon Le Bon so loved the world that he gave his one and only bassist, standing aside to let John have all the glory (and most of the groupies)."
And because, well, Simon totally had (and still has) a thing for John.

From a 1997 interview Simon did with a British music rag:

"The first time I saw John, he was this speccy geek with nicotine-stained fingers, trembling with fear at the prospect of having to meet people. And his name wasn’t even John. It was Nigel. He was a Nigel with glasses, poor sod. I remember staring at his face and slowly realising that he was rather beautiful, exquisite in fact. I mean, this was the best looking guy I’d seen in years, maybe my whole life."

Yeah, I could go on and on with my theories on these two.

(Okay, this one is Photoshopped. But a girl can dream...)
Anyway, John posted a birthday message and some new photos of himself goofing around by the swimming pool on Trust the Process. Check 'em out here.

Photo #1 - Rowr!

Photo #2 - Cute

Photos # 3 - 6 (gator wrestling) - I wouldn't mind being his inflatable pool toy...

Photo # 7 - 9 Okay, now these I have a problem with. I mean, who is he, Paris Hilton? What's with the gay little dogs? I'm going to have to agree with Nick Rhodes on this one: John, you're becoming too Hollywood. It doesn't suit you.

When I become Mrs. John Taylor #3, I vow to change all that. I'll get him back to his old foppish John self. No chihuauas, no Juicy Couture track suits, no ugly sunglasses. I will let him keep the inflatable toys, though.

And I will totally share him with Simon. It's the Christian thing to do.

Monday, June 19, 2006

What fresh hell is this?
It's the new American Idol "winner," apparently. I mean, I haven't been living under a rock; I heard all the brouhaha last month or whenever "America" voted in its new idol (another sign from God that I need to move to Canada), but I hadn't gotten a good look at him until this past weekend, when I caught the new Ford truck commercial featuring America's New Circus Geek--er, "Idol" TAYLOR HICKS.
Naturally, I have a few thoughts on the matter.
  1. Memo to Ford Trucks: is this the best shill you could come up with--the winner of the gayest show on television? I don't know jack about advertising and focus groups and all that, but I'm guessing that the typical pick-up truck enthusiast doesn't watch American Idol.
  2. Who is this Taylor Hicks guy, anyway? He looks and dances like somebody's dad. His "unofficial" fan site says he's 29. Well, my ass. If this dweeb is four years younger than I am, then Clay Aiken is an avowed heterosexual who regularly engages in threeways with Jessica Simpson and Lindsay Lohan. In other words, riiiiiiiiight.
  3. Perhaps he is somebody's dad? Is that it? Did Simon Cowell just get sick of listening to all those theatre camp rejects belt out bad Whitney Houston songs, so he just stuck his dad up there and called it a day?
  4. I smell a conspiracy. Too bad I don't care enough to explore it any further.